Chemistry Jokes, Puns, and Riddles

Chemistry Jokes, Puns, and Riddles Chemistry terminology and jargon is ripe for puns and intellectual humor. Below is a collection of chemistry jokes, puns, riddles, and one-liners. Old Chemist One-Liner Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting. Coffee Riddle What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2 Banana Riddle What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2 Dead Chemists What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium! Dental Chemistry Riddle What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution. Ion Riddle What did one charged atom say to the other? Ive got my ion you. pH Chemistry Joke Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because its pretty basic stuff. Spy Chem What is the name of agent 007s Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond. Medical Elements Joke Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?A: Because if you cant helium or curium, you barium! Diamond Riddle What element is a girls future best friend? Carbon. Element Laughter What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe Neutral Neutron A neutron walks into a shop and says,Id like a coke.The shopkeeper serves up the coke.How much will that be? asks the neutron.The shopkeeper replies, For you? No charge. Norse Chemistry What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium. Mole Riddle Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadros number! Particle Charge Joke A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. The proton says, Stop, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it. The neutron asks, Are you sure? The proton replies, Yes, Im positive. Peroxide Joke Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first chemist says, Ill have H2. The second chemist says, Ill have an H2O too.... and he died. TV Chemistry What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI Words from Element Symbols I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO. Lawyer Chemistry Joke Why cant lawyers do NMR? Bar magnets have poor homogeneity. Chemistry Lab Safety What is the most important chemistry rule? Never lick the spoon! Mole Joke What was Avogadros favorite sport? Golf - because he always got a mole-in-one. Gas Chromatography Joke What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety. Interview Joke Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time. Chemistry Poem Poor Willie worked in chem lab. Poor Willie is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4! Assault and Battery What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery. Joke Why Chemists Are Great Why are chemists so great at solving problems? Answer: Because they have all the solutions. Alphabet Chemistry Riddle What is HIJKLMNO? H2O Silver and Gold Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, Au, get outta here! Noble Gas Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, We dont serve noble gases here. Helium doesnt react. Starving Chemists How did the chemist survive the famine? He subsisted on titrations. Chemical Formula Joke Q: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?A: (CO(NH2)2)2 Football Cheerleader Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? A: Fear of utility bills. The Chemists Ferris Wheel What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron  atoms? A ferrous wheel. Burger Chemistry Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak? Because its in the ground state. Titration Chemistry Riddle What did one titration say to the other? Lets meet at the endpoint. Solution Chemistry Joke Florence Flask was preparing to attend the opera. Suddenly she screamed, Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules! Her husband replied, Relax dear. Well find a solution. Titanium Chemistry Joke Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything! The Half-Empty Glass The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state. Cash Chemistry It has been discovered that money consists of a yet-to-be- indentified superheavy element. The proposed element name  is Un-obtainium. Spectrometry Riddle What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph? Breaking up is hard to do. One Bad Clown What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon Ice Water H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed Sea Water What is the chemical formula for sea water? CH2O Oxygen and Potassium Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. Water and Peroxide Joke what is H204? Its FOR drinking, bathing, and mixing with scotch. Another Bar Joke What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP! Carbon Chemistry Pun Why did the chemist coat his shoes with silicone rubber? He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint. Water Chemistry Question: What is the name of the molecule CH2O? Answer: Seawater Polarity Chemistry Humor Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was a polar bear. Superhero Chemistry Pun If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, theyd be alloys. Sodium Humor Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na. Yeah, I know that was sodium funny! Chemistry One-Liner If youre not part of the solution, youre part of the precipitate! Bad Chemistry Jokes Id tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon. Chemistry Joke Pun I wish to apologize for not having more chemistry jokes, but I only add them periodically. If you want to use chemistry pick-up lines, look no further.

Human Resource Development-- Assignment Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words

Human Resource Development-- - Assignment Example As Coates (2010) explains, acquiring new knowledge, attitudes and skill sets in one environment and applying them in another may be affected by several factors. Effective and the experience of the trainer is a very essential factor in influencing the training transfer to job places. Any trainer must be a fluent and effective communicator (Coates, 2010). This facilitates the conversations and ensures the learners’ needs are met, a clear and effective presentation of the material that makes the information interesting. Another factor is the in-class and out-class practice. More of this practice ensures the learner gains enough experience of handling cases, and it is easier to transfer the training to workplaces in case a similar case appears as to that tackled during the practices (Coates, 2010). An organization should also mount some quality pressure on the trained employees to work as of their acquired knowledge and towards the set goal of the organization. This will ensure th at the employees apply their learnt skills at their workplaces effectively. Needs assessment are usually conducted so as to facilitate the growth of employees of a company in terms of the knowledge and skills they possess. This helps the organization to know the type of employees in the organization, how to train them and what they need to be motivated. According to Barbazette (2004), a needs assessment is conducted to link a deficiency in performance to a desired result and ensure that appropriate training is formulated and conducted to combat the problems caused by the deficiency. To do this, an organization needs to analyze their needs and wants by conducting a performance analysis to identify which skill shortcomings can be bridged through training. To conduct a training needs assessment, an organization will have to first gather information for aiding in appropriate

Puritan and Pilgrim in the 16th-17th Century in New England Research Paper

Puritan and Pilgrim in the 16th-17th Century in New England - Research Paper Example The emergence of both Puritans and Pilgrims can be traced fairly and squarely back to the tumultuous event of the Reformation in Europe. Starting in Germany, and spreading across Northern Europe, there was a growing dissatisfaction with aspects of the Christian Church leadership, particularly in areas related to abuse of finances, moral dissolution, and key theological issues relating to the role of bishops and senior clergy. In Britain there was an on-going religious debate relating to the Reformation agenda, but this was further complicated in the Church of England, which departed from the control of Rome, largely due to differences between Henry VIII and the Pope on the rules relating to marriage and divorce. In Scotland, the Presbyterians separated absolutely from Rome and set up their own structures, without the controversial bishop role, while in England many reformist Christians were dissatisfied with the compromises made by the Church of England. In the North East of England a small group were persecuted for refusing to integrate within the Church of England. Their major complaint was that the Church had not sufficiently cleansed itself of the immoral features that characterized the Roman Catholic church. This caused them to be rejected by their local parishes in England and so they emigrated first to Holland and then to the New World, hoping to build a new life there which was truer to biblical precepts. This intention to travel in search of their religious goals is what gave them the name â€Å"Pilgrims.†

Looking At The Rocking Horse Winner Essay

Looking At The Rocking Horse Winner Essay Growing up in a capitalist society and living with his mother who showed no affection were only a few of the tasks David Herbert Lawrence mentions in his story The Rocking-Horse Winner. Did these negative aspects influence him or did they break him? We are sure of one thing: the characters included in this short story symbolize and show relation to the life of this particular author. The nostalgia for a mothers love and acceptance was what brought this story to its peak of interest through the character of Paul, a child. For example, Lawrence states, That [when] you fight is only a sign that you want in yourself, the child knows that; your own soul is deficient, so it fights for the love of the child( qtd. in Davies 124). Lawrences tragic and obsessive relationship with his mother led to neglect, along with money-dominated capitalism which he presents in his story The Rocking-Horse Winner, and Lawrence enforces the harmful impact that money can have on a family household. Lawrence uses a wide description of irony in The Rocking-Horse Winner. For instance, Lawrences wondrous feeling towards Pauls prediction of horse races and making money is dampened by Hester being ungrateful and wanting more money. The author furthers a sorrowful resolution for the cause of Pauls death. Furthermore, tragic irony is used in this story when Paul predicted so many winning horses, but ended up losing his life in the end of the story. Furthermore, Pauls death of course makes the story a tragic one; but just as tragic is the death of innocence and love, symbolized by Paul, in his unfortunate mother (Koban 396). In addition, situational irony occurs when we as the readers thought the outcome of the story will end with Paul and his family being affluent, but they end up with a loss that could not be brought back. Furthermore, another problem that Lawrence portrayed in The Rocking-Horse Winner is that capitalism dominates within the society. On the other hand, Lawrence links The Nature and Logic of Capitalism written by Robert L. Heilbroner in The Rocking-Horse Winner. Heilbroners view of capitalism is that, Capital is not a material thing but a process that uses material things as moments in its continuously dynamic existence (qtd. in Watkins 296). Capitalism initiated the obsession, tragedy, and neglect money caused within the household. For instance, The desire for money pervades the home, the withdrawal of the child into his private fantasy world (Watkins 296), and also the power relations of a capitalistic society. D.H. Lawrences use of capitalism within The Rocking-Horse Winner is portrayed through the characters in his story: [Paul] is a laborer for his mother, to whom he gives all of his money, only to find that the more he gives the more she needs (Watkins 297). To sum up, the capital istic society that Lawrence was brought up in as a young child and how it causes financial burdens is applied within this story. In addition, money was the powerful force which cause Hester to become such an greedy and ungrateful soul. For example, money is an issue with Hester because she tried to live on a social scale that she couldnt afford to be on. As a result, There must be more money! (Lawrence 366) signifies the insecurity that Paul and his sisters experience due to the withered love between Hester and her husband. Money, on the other hand, must be kept in perspective and not romanticized into a substitute for love, as it is in The Rocking-Horse Winner. Money initiates obsession and neglect; for example, Hester shows more significance and love for materialistic objects than showing it for her own children. Furthermore, Lawrence used his personal relationship with Lady Cynthia Asquith to influence the role of Hester in The Rocking-Horse Winner. Asquith was a longtime friend of Lawrence and influenced his stories: Biographical materials will show the striking similarities between the Asquith family and the family in the story (Davies 123). For instance, Lady Cynthia lost her capacity to love her son, although she struggled not to do so (Davies 125). In addition, Lawrence also changed the age and sex of the children; Lady Cynthia had three boys, in which Hester having two girls and one boy instead There were a boy and two little girls (Lawrence 365). Moreover, it was the poor social and personal situations in Lady Cynthias life including the other associates that D.H. Lawrence met in England that influenced the blatant and blithe moral in The Rocking-Horse Winner. Through the life influences of D.H. Lawrence comparison to The Rocking-Horse Winner, from growing up in a money-dominated society and dealing with a neglectful mother, Lawrence portrays his life through Paul. Lawrences childhood as an unloved young man and his own personal fantasies are portrayed in a short story in which riding the horse is what the author had in his possession, but the magnificent supernatural gifts were not present in reality. These supernatural gifts were given to the character Paul. Lastly, the contemporary life situations of D.H. Lawrences life gave The Rocking-Horse Winner morality, theme, and most of all the tragic events that money can bring.

Fuel Cell or Battery Essay -- Environment, Carbon Pollution

Introduction An increase of carbon pollution around the world has called for better options for the future of motoring. The two types of motoring options which have been developed are the hydrogen fuel cell and electric battery vehicles. Both of which provide pros and cons within the system, on the environment and cost wise. Hydrogen fuel cell vehicles A hydrogen fuel cell is an electrochemical cell which directly converts the chemical energy in hydrogen and oxygen to electricity with pure water (figure 1). In general fuel cells have a similar arrangement which consists of an electrolyte and two electrodes, but there are many types of fuel cells which are classified by the kind of electrolyte used (DOE Energy Efficiency, 2006). An electrolyte is a liquid or gel that contains ions and can be decomposed by electrolysis and is present in a battery. The hydrogen fuel cell pathway consists of three conversion stages, the conversion of electricity to hydrogen, the conversion of hydrogen back to electricity and finally, the conversion of electricity to mechanical energy (Stephen Eaves, James Eaves, N/D). A Polymer Electrolyte Membrane (PEM) fuel cell is widely regarded as the most promising for light-duty transportation. Hydrogen gas flows through channels to the anode, where a catalyst causes the hydrogen molecules to separate into proto ns and electrons therefore increasing the production of energy (DOE Energy Efficiency, 2006). The Polymer Electrolyte Membrane also operates at a temperature of 50–100Â ºC and has a 50–60% electric efficiency . (Bill Siuru, 2007) As the electricity production process is direct through an electrochemical device in a fuel cell, it never goes through the step of being a high-temperature gas through norm... ...drogen vehicles were to be more widely used, methods of producing hydrogen in a cost-effective way would have to be developed and producing enough to power an everyday car would also be a challenge (U.S. Department of Energy 2010). Conclusion Fuel cells are clean, fuel efficient, and fuel flexible. Any hydrogen-rich material can serve as a potential fuel source for this developing technology. Although it is reduces carbon emissions new research will have to be carried out to ensure it becomes cost-worthy for everyday users. Battery powered cars are for the moment the most viable and inexpensive option however the carbon emissions are adding to the already thinning atmosphere. By implementing hydrogen fuel cells as an alternative for maybe large forms of transport there will be a significant reduction of greenhouse gases for everyday transportation users.

Diffrentiate Between Quantitative and Qualitative Research

Distinction between Quantitative and Qualitative Research Research can be defined as search for Knowledge with an open mind to establish novel facts, solve new or existing problems, prove new ideas or develop new theories. Quantitative and qualitative research is two methods of research. Quantitative Research deals with analyzing the subject and gathering measurable data. While Qualitative research deals with gathering of mainly verbal data rather than measurements. Gathered data is then analyzed in an interpretative manner, subjective, impressionistic or even diagnostic. Quantitative research is opposite to Qualitative research. It has a standard format with very few inter-disciplinary differences. It usually put forth a hypothesis and tries to prove or disprove it with the help of mathematical and statistical means. They are most commonly used by Physical Scientist although Economist and Social scientists tend to use it. This kind of experiment requires a random study group. (Shuttle Worth, 2010, 13) There are various pros and cons of this research method. Quantitative research is the best way of finalizing a result by proving or disproving a hypothesis. Results are statistically analyzed and a comprehensive answer is reached. Unbiased and real results can be obtained by proper designing of the experiment. Quantitative research is helpful in testing various results obtained by series of Qualitative research and thus arriving at a final answer. On the contrary above research method is difficult and expensive. It requires that the study groups are randomly placed and it also demands a thorough knowledge of Statistics. Sometimes in order to arrive at the conclusion, retesting is also required which again makes the process more expensive and time consuming. There is little room for grey areas or uncertainty in this method since the final answer is either a Yes or No. Qualitative research is used where a in depth analysis of the subject is required such as in Social science, human behavior and market research. It deals with why and how of decision making. Designer doing a market research for understanding general market trend can be considered as a form of Qualitative research. It usually involves Interview, Survey and Case study. It’s one of the oldest research techniques which don’t have a standard format or structure. (Shuttle Worth, 2010, 13) Qualitative research is very helpful in situations where it’s a question of yes or no. It’s very easy to lan and costs little compared to quantitative research. Method is very flexible and generates useful data unlike in Quantitative research where an unproven hypothesis leaves nothing. Primary disadvantage of this method is that it requires lot of planning in order to get accurate results. Another drawback is that the results can’t be mathematically analyzed. It can onl y give observation rather than results. Reference: Shuttleworth, M (2010, How to Write a Research Paper, Oskar Blakstad. BY Jamsheed Maleth EF University Preparation Jamsheed. [email  protected] co. uk [email  protected] com

Labour Market Need - 1234 Words

The oft-repeated explanation for these outcomes is a labour market need for migrant workers to fill jobs that indigenous workers reject (Fellini et al., 2007; Massey et al., 1998; Piore, 1979). However, this is not a spontaneous process and it is important to recognize the role played by labour market actors, particularly employers (or their agents) and the state (Bach, 2007; Rodriguez, 2004). Employers engage in active recruitment strategies to attract immigrant workers already in national labour markets or to recruit directly from abroad, often through employment agencies operating in the communities of origin (Fellini et al., 2007; Piore, 1979). In addition to meeting labour shortages, cost minimization is often cited as the†¦show more content†¦Examining patterns of migration, Piore (1986) points to the changing share of manufacturing and services in total employment, labour market regulation and the changing motivations of migrant workers as important factors determining employer demand for migrants to work in secondary sector jobs. There are interesting parallels between segmented labour market analysis and current debates within the HRM literature. ‘Resource based’ theories of HRM and ‘business case’ logic are typically invoked to rationalize the employment of marginalized groups such as female workers, ethnic minorities, and increasingly migrant workers (Centre for Economic and Social Inclusion, 2004; Richard, 2000: 165–6). ‘Business case’ and ‘resource based view’ logics downplay the importance of macroeconomic and social context to understanding employer strategies. Instead, these contributions focus inwards on how the management of diversity fits with other HRM levers as part of a ‘soft’ HRM approach (see Dickens, 2005; Noon, 2007). The danger is, however, that business case rhetoric is not inconsistent with a more calculative, ‘hard’ approach to HRM, in which more sophisticated approaches to the development of HRM systems are absent. In the case of migrant workers, the celebration of a culturally diverse workforce in ‘business case’ or ‘resource based view’ terms typically involves stereotyping the perceived attitudes to work of differentShow MoreRelatedCultural, Economic, Political and Industrial Relation Factors to Consider a Chinese Steel Factory Must Consider to Invest in Britain or Sweden1731 Words   |  7 PagesChina, over the last 30 years or so has achieved extraordinary economic growth, leading to gradual market liberation. 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